In the Spring of 1971, we were a bunch of 6 or 7 young Western men devotees who lived in a rural house near the Whitefield area, Bengaluru. Though it was close to Swami’s Brindavan Ashram, it was still far enough that we rode bikes to darshan twice daily. Swami had permitted 5 or 6 western ladies to live behind the classrooms closest to His residence. Every morning, I would enjoy riding the bicycle through the green countryside to pick up milk for the ladies at a nearby dairy. With big milk cans hanging off on either side of the bicycle, I was literally like the milkman of Brindavan!
One morning, I arrived on the driveway near Swami’s house. I was about to park the bike and deliver the milk when I saw Swami leaving His house to give darshan. No one expected Him to come that early, and very few people were around. It looked like I would have my near-private darshan because I was in His direct path! I had no clue what the protocol for this situation might be. So, I just froze in place, holding my bike with the milk cans hanging on my bicycle, probably looking ridiculously out of place.
“What is Your Name?”
Swami looked at me from a distance as He walked slowly toward me. This gave me plenty of time to have a gamut of rambling thoughts, like, “This must be my big, blessed moment. Will He say or do something deeply profound? I should ask him for what I want most!”
My over-excited mind then got tangled up with, “Well, what SHOULD I ask for? What is right to ask for?” I still hadn’t sorted this out and was awestruck and dumbfounded when He so gracefully and yet inexorably came up to me.
Looking at me, He surprised me by asking simply, “What is your name?” Letting go of everything I had thought so far, I just said, “Philip Gosselin.”
Swami looked at me as if thinking, “What a most bizarre and foolish thing to say.” I couldn’t get out any words or even organize any thoughts to respond as my mind stopped functioning completely, and He glided on. I was enthralled at being so close in such a casual and intimate exchange with the Lord. At the same time, I was mystified as the Master, by the most prosaic of all questions, had thrown a Koan (a story, dialogue, question, or statement that is used in Zen practice to provoke the “great doubt” to test and aid a student’s progress) on the nature of desire, reality, and Self!
Understanding The Koan
Swami always emphasizes the importance of the divine name, but for most people, our names are more important as they are part of the identity we create for ourselves. That is probably what Swami refers to as ‘Being is lost in Becoming.’ Our original Godly nature is obscured by the identity we create over time.
Swami also says, “You are not one but three — the one you think you are (body), the one that others think you are (mind), and the one that you really are (Atma).”
Evidently, one of Sai’s tasks is to undercut false identities of who we think we are and allow our reality to shine forth! That process was once jokingly described as going from seeing ourselves as VIPs (Very Important Persons) to becoming VVOPs (Very Very Ordinary Persons)!
Names He Gave to Hasten Our Growth
Swami didn’t usually refer to devotees in our groups by their given names. Just as Swami used to refer to His father as “Home-boy (griham abbayi),” or “father of this body,” and His mother as “Home-girl (griham ammayi),” or the “mother of this body”, He would often use casual or even deflating names for many of us. He did it perhaps to ensure that we would avoid our usual, overly elevated and self-concerned view of ourselves. For example, if someone was chubby and short, He might refer to them as “Pakoda” (Indian equivalent of dumpling). If they were tall and slender, He would refer to them as “Coconut Tree” (my wife and I fittingly once received this appellation). Others we know were termed “Dirty Beard” (for those with long beards) or “Lion” or “Big Head,” for example. Sometimes Sai would occasionally express His love and care by renaming devotees. For example, Robbie became Ravi, Shri Ravan became Shri Raman (“I don’t want to call anyone Ravana (a demonic king),” He said), and Wendell became Sai Wendell.
For the most part, though, Swami didn’t refer to us by name. This sometimes evoked reactions. I was once in an interview with a distinguished educator from California who wanted to start a Sathya Sai University in California. Swami gave him a lot of attention then, but when he returned a year later, Swami seemed very distant. He thought, “He doesn’t even know my name!” A few days later, Swami leaned toward him during darshan and said, “I know your name.”
Whether He gives names or doesn’t call by our names, it is always to ensure that we are distancing ourselves from our bodies and minds toward the Atma!
From ‘Not Important’ to an Integral Part of My Life
Let me conclude this article on a humorous note. In the Spring of 1974, during my second trip to Swami, I brought four others looking forward to meeting Him. There were more Westerners in Whitefield now, and some were taking on new Hindu names or of other traditions to signal their new spiritual life. One member of our group, Peggy Atkin, was enchanted with this idea, and she seemed to have Swami’s ear as He spoke to her in the darshan line and seemed to enjoy mimicking her high-pitched voice. One day, she presented a big card to Him asking for a new name, to which He graciously and touchingly replied, “Name, not important. Heart and love important.”
This was a profound message that bound her even more closely to Sai.
I couldn’t resist teasing her that Swami had given her a new name–“Not Important!” However, she felt that she got the last word as Swami performed our marriage several years later, and she gleefully pointed out, “See, He did change my name to Mrs. Gosselin!”
Dr. Phil Gosselin is the Chairperson for Zone 1 of the Sri Sathya Sai International Organization comprising of the English and Dutch speaking countries of the Western Hemisphere. He is also co-Chair of the SSSIO Archive Committee. He is one of the original Central Council members for USA announced at the 1975 World Conference in Swami’s Presence. Dr. Gosselin was also a Founding Member of several Sai Centers in the Northeast USA including the Manhattan Sai Center. He had the great fortune to live in Prashanthi Nilayam for 2 years in 1971-72 and 1974-75.
Professionally, Dr. Gosselin is a clinical psychologist and has been a Professor of Psychology at Union Institute and Director of the Behavioral Medicine Department at Franklin Medical Center in Greenfield, MA. He also previously worked on Wall Street for twelve years in the 70’s and 80’s. An account of his professional life on Wall Street is described in the book The Dharmic Challenge.
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First published in Eternal Companion Vol. 2, Iss. 12